Thursday, August 30


How is it that the summer holiday days are meant to be full of free time, but I don't seem to manage to get things done? Curious.
Bunny Watch update.
Well nothing's poured from the bunnies bits. As of yesterday there were still signs of movement, but these days I'm wondering whether she's not just got a really large tapeworm or something. We still continue with the daily care routine, which is much evolved from the old one now that the bunnies have to be seperated.
I'm a bit of an Ebay whore, but lately I made a purchase that has annoyed me no end. Now I can't confirm it, but I think that the perfume I bought has had the innards changed with something completely different and rather crap. I bought the bottle because I newly discovered how lovely the perfume was at Debenhams, but although I'm fairly confident it's the same brand etc, it smells rank! Damnit.
Not cool!
Also not exactly something I can moan about huh.

Friday, August 24

*strokes white dog on lap*

As I buttered my hot cross bun this morning, a rather wicked thought came to me and I wondered whether I'm turning evil in my old age.
I was thinking how amusing it would be to feed my mother two + hot cross buns for her lunchbreak from work. This is possibly evil because I happen to know that the fruit makes her toot. Not only that, but she has reached a certain age where her tooting comes unbidden, unstoppable, louder, and as a result of climbing stairs or laughing. A bit like Peter Kay but without the stairs trait.
Laughing also occasionally sets off a bout of wee, so I often see how hard I can make her laugh.

I think I might be evil!

Monday, August 20


Originally uploaded by La Beave.
Whilst waiting for the rabbit to shit out her offspring that might well never happen as I'm beginning to believe what I thought was inutero movement was in fact a bad case of wind, I sketched the following ;)
She has a continental look about her. Reminds me of my stepmum in a way.
The boyfriend is skint. I am skint. Everyone is skint.
That seems to just about sum things up.
Whilst next weekend sees the onset of another wild gay pride looming, I'm left wondering whether I can hack the pace these days. Let alone the price.

Tuesday, August 14


A little surprise
Originally uploaded by La Beave.
It's so exciting! And so nerve wracking! (And somewhat costly)
Any day now.
And today she was acting a little unstable, so maybe tonight...

Saturday, August 11

Several buns in the oven!

Originally uploaded by La Beave.
A few days ago we spotted something 'rolling and squirming' around in Abigail's belly. Looks like Ricky got his evil way before his manliness was removed after all !!!
Cheeky devil.
We estimate that she has at most a week to go before the pitter patter of tiny feet.! It's very exciting. She's all hot n bothered and breathing in a shallow manner bless her. Taking lots of naps and not a lot of jumping in mid air anymore.
I guessed she might be a few weeks ago as her desperation for food in the mornings became unlikely to just be greed!
Here you can see how she prefers to lay. The kittens in her belly wiggle best in this position.
Eldest and Middle Daughter find the alien movement gross and disgusting! Handy as I'd rather not be a Nanny for at least another fifteen years!
I just hope the birth goes alright as it's her first (and only) litter.
I've been spending a lot of time just staring at her. Oh and painting ceilings. Lots of ceiling painting.

Sunday, August 5

Just a quicky...

Things are looking up.
Kids are back tomorrow!
I can't wait.

Wednesday, August 1


Today's Sketch
Originally uploaded by La Beave.
I'm having what can only be described as a 'down day'.
Ok so I know I'm having a lot more of them lately what with the kids being gone and everything, but down days are depressing.
Ironic really.
I spoke to the kids at the weekend after sending a bit of a shitty text to their dad. Why does it get to the point that I'm made to feel crappy and need to send such things? Surely he can't enjoy it? Anyway they are having a lovely time, and I felt reassured.

I've had to shut all their doors and remove their toys from around my living space while they are gone. I went into the two little ones room the other day to do something, I forget what. It was musty and smelt unused. Dimmed because the blind, which has broken, was pulled down. Light just managing to creep around the edges as if it knew it didn't belong there being too bright, vibrant and alive. The room smells of the girls, but ten times more powerful for being shut up. I left very quickly and closed the door again. I had contemplated going in to tidy it all up for them for when they get home, but I'm not sure I'll bring myself to do it.

There are many things I should or could be doing while they are not here, things which my mum delights in listing off almost daily during her lunchbreak where our very different lives converge briefly for twenty minutes, time enough to unsettle without imparting any real sociable get up and go motivation.
I tried to explain. Tried to tell her how I'm not feeling like this on purpose. I can't help it.
I made what for me was a superhuman effort not to get annoyed with her as she carried on with her mild berations, and suggested that coming off the pill recently might also be having an affect on my mood.

Why can't I just be normal?
I feel pathetic.
A thought continues to worry me lately as well.
My doc wants me off my (low dose) antidepressents as I've been on them now for quite a while. I feel like they are my lifeline to something vaguely resembling a normal existance. But a thought occurred to me. What if I'm not really depressed, but what if i'm actually just a really nasty moody person? What if the pills i take to keep me on a more upbeat keel are in fact altering a state of being that is doomed to failure each time i'm off them?
Maybe I'm just a bitch?!
God that's depressing.

Secretly I sometimes wish I had something concrete wrong with me that would be the cause of my feelings. Not just some daft ovarian syndrome and occasional inner ear issues. Something that can be fought. Like if I had a brain tumour or something, then that would justify the apathy, the depression, the intense hollow inside. Then life would have a reason to be miserable. I've often thought that, but never said it aloud.

I'll shut up now I think.
Hopefully I'll be able to lift out of it a bit in a couple of hours.

The bunny bitch has scratched my throat to hell and gone. Evil thing. Perhaps the bopping them on the head idea wasn't such a bad one! I cleaned out their hutch, and realised that I'd run out of sawdust, sigh, so I've got to go out.
It'll probably do me good.