Sunday, October 28

Nearly Monday.

A week between posts again eh? Shame on me.
Things have been crazy busy again dans chez Delboy's Daughter. Namely that Delboy himself came round for an extended visit, with the rest of the family.
It was a roaring success all told.
Even Delboy's dog came, and despite my dog having issues with other dogs that are bigger than him, which would include the entire canine population, there were less 'scent marking' puddles on the floor than previously anticipated.
Everyone had a lovely time, and we had a chance to really catch up.
The Boyfriend met the the rest of the family too, and made a great impression, which I knew he would do.
Only thing left to say is that oh pantelons, the visit and preparation for said visit has left me a little low on the art front! The self image brief has to be handed in soon, although I don't know when. It was due last week though really. Doh! Also I've an ECDL test tomorrow I 'think'. Not hard, but there is always an issue with getting there on time in the mornings.
Looks like its my nose to the grindstone again.
Meanwhile. I just have to share the following that made me hoot with laughter:

Monday, October 22

Don't you just love these?

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.
And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

Friday, October 19


More Auerbach Leanings!
Originally uploaded by La Beave.
Art should be about FUN!

Expressionism is fun.

That is all really. :)
(Also - contemporary textiles - its the way forward I'm tellin ya)

Thursday, October 18

Red Robot

It was the smallest persons fifth birthday today, and she had pre-ordered a home-made red robot cake.
I commenced The Build with gusto, flair and a few issues relating to a sticky cake tin:

Four hours later and The Build was complete:

Tonight, all that is left of Red Robot is his head. And possibly what will come up later in the toilet, as I believe we've all had rather too much!

Monday, October 15


La Beave Culture
Originally uploaded by La Beave.

I've been having a BAD few weeks its fair to say.
Money has been a nightmare. CSA didnt pay me on time this month, for no reason that they would give, and it still hasn't been paid when it's been sitting in their account since the 23rd of last month. The government will do anything to shave a bit of extra money, including sit on parents due income in order to get a bit of interest in the mean time. Imagine all those hundreds of thousands of pounds just sitting in an account accruing money for an extra week for free. And apparently in some cases nearly a month. The government should be shot.
I have so far been given £120 pounds of bank charges on top, and had no money to use since last week. My children ask me for food, and the CSA cannot give me a reason why they go hungry.

Besides all that - being off the old anti-depressents has been really hard. I'm persevering. And having issued with spelling! (Blogging from flickr has no spell check function Tobe!)
I'm trying to look at the bigger picture all the time.
Reminding myself how better my life is despite all these problems than it was three years ago.
My little one will turn 5 this thursday. Just to add to the financial hell. There is no guarantee that I'll be paid by Wednesday.
Oh and my Dad and Stepmum and Sister are coming up to stay with me for the end of the week in the next week of half term.
This is meant to be a nice time for me, a social time, but I'm just worrying myself to death over how much it will cost to feed them for four days.
The root of all evils.

Oh and did i mention already that my car broke down this morning?
Garage charged the battery and twiddled with the earth lead and charged me £18, but said that they really couldn't find a reason why it didn't work.


My life has been taken over by this.


Send aid!

Wednesday, October 10


Originally uploaded by La Beave.
I think I'm going to grow long flowing grey flecked hair when I'm old. It will so 'go' with this look!
Pop to to have fun playing with your pics!
Although try not to be frightened.
The masculine one wasn't amusing! To see my other morphed 'me's' then pop to my flickr site.

Wednesday, October 3

Grown up!

Ready for the pot ;)
Just thought I'd share a pic I took this afternoon of Ricky and Abigail enjoying their supper after I retrieved them from their daily run. I managed to get away with no scratches or nips and a wee hug today. Progress!

Tuesday, October 2


Self portrait at an Angle
Originally uploaded by La Beave.
Always angles.
The below post, however upbeat it might seem, is still true, however I've been decidedly 'low' and 'down' lately.
The stuff that needs working through is very negative and destructive, and I currently find it hard to let it go. I know it's the way forward, and I recognise I need to push through to put it all behind me, but it's a long road. Possibly one I can't take without some professional help.
I feel detatched during the day, so that I might function, but at night I've been having bad dreams.

My tutor reflected that all my self portraits drawn from life (ie mirror) have a frailty and a weak feel to them, whereas the ones I draw from photos are much stronger and almost reflect a different woman entirely.
It's a true remark.

I need the nightmares to stop. I'm exhausted.

Monday, October 1

It's Life Jim But Not As We Know It.

My studio wall!
Originally uploaded by La Beave.
There were no baby bunnies!
Or at least none that anyone saw :s
I have given up and Abigail and Ricky have been reunited in their undying bunny passion and life re bunnies is back to normal. For normal read: I look after them almost single handedly and the kids show little if no interest. Joy!
Ah well. One day I will learn.
And advice to you busy people out there that want pets - cats are the way forward I'm telling ya! Preferably bald ones so there is less shedding.


Down to the good news. Eldest daughter is doing brilliantly at her new school. Completely different atmosphere. She says she cant believe that the boys hang out with the girls too in a relaxed manner rather than forming male cliques and bullying all the time. I can't explain how pleased I am. I made the right choice. We've turned a corner.

My art is full steam ahead. College is consuming. In a good way. I never seem to have enough hours in the day, but I'm kept busy. Better than being bored. My tutor is pushing me a lot. Making me loosen up. Be braver. It's exhausting! Producing art is physically strenuous too, not just mentally. I often ache. In both respects.

I've got some money troubles. But they are.. well, spiritual of nature really. The kids dad is attempting to inflict his rather medeocre will against me and the kids by withholding any money he can. Currently he owes me £100 since hmmm May I think it was. I can live without it. I AM living without it. Therefore it's a spiritual problem. His attitude taints things, or would if i let it.
I'm at a new stage in my life now, I really feel it. I'm choosing the battles to fight, and becoming so much better as a person than the other ex's of the past by doing so. I imagine the kids dad believes he has won a battle because I've stopped badgering him constantly about the money, and realistically I could force the issue at any time via the CSA, but I'm proving the point that I don't need his money for me or the kids to excel in life and be happy. I asked - he didn't willingly give - I coped and continued to make my families life wicked.
Apart from that, I'm working through laying past negativity to bed. It's hard, but nothing in life that's worth anything comes easy.

Every year I grow older, every year I feel more whole, and every year I'm further from those eleven years of tirrany spent under his roof.

And when I'm earning a very comfortable living from my artwork, and living with my partner who is becoming a wonderfully successful self employed plumber, I will be rid of feeling finacially dependant on the kids dad forever. Life is going to blossom and grow into something beautiful without ANY thorns attached.
Patience and adaptability. I have both in abundance.
Good things come to those who wait.